You Give Me the Courage to Die
by Cherushii
Summary: Yuki wakes up one morning and stumbles over something that will change his life. Shuichi is dead. Eiri must calm down and decide what to do. Keep watching for new chapters. New chapter make it NOW ShuxTats.
1. Discovery

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Gravitation or anythin' that goes with it- although sometimes I wish I did. But,as far as I know, I own the suicide knife.

**Author's note:**I got this idea from reading a poem off this here webpage(actually,I had this planned a long time ago-the poem gave me _motivation_.Yeah.Thats it.) So thanks to whomever did that. It was a great poem!

Oh! and one more thing-the title is inspired by an Erasure song! It's a line from their **Spiralling** song. Yes,thats my secret. I listen to Erasure while I write. I love to hate yoooooou!(Get it?)

**Pairings:**I (at least I try) don't do them! So if its dirty boy lovin' you want, go read a YAOI story with a high-ass rating! ;)

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**You Give Me the Courage to Die-Chap. 1**

Yuki strolled out into the kitchen after yet another bad night. He had been having dreams a lot lately,and it was taking lots of energy out of him. _Not that it's something a novelist really needs. _A random thought.

His dreams had usually focused on Shuichi, and this disturbed him. In these dreams, Shuichi was cruel to him, telling him he had no talent, and that his work was nothing but fluffy crap modeled to reflect society's dirty desires_. I know that_ he tried to scream, but his mind would not give any power to his voice. In other dreams he saw himself asking Shuichi to tell him that he loved him. Shuichi would say nothing, then turn and walk away. Yuki hadn't liked waking up to find his pillow tearstained. It wasn't him. Couldn't be him. But he couldn't help thinking it just might be his true self.

Eyes half-closed, Eiri stumbled towards the fridge. On his way there, in the middle of his giant living room, he tripped over something. He found his face planted parallel to the floor. The sleep was still in his eyes, so everything surrounding him was blurry. He sat on the floor rubbing his forehead. A warm, sticky substance trickled down his lip and onto the floor. The blonde man first rubbed his eyes, and then his nose. He looked down at his hand and saw the blood. He turned his head slowly and looked over the room, gathering his bearings, and also perhaps searching for something to soak up his blood.

The man then saw something that made him choke. Shuichi was lying on the hardwood floor, on his side, back facing him. He realized that the boy was not breathing. Shock gripped Yuki, making his whole body freeze. Using the whole of his will, Yuki placed his hand on the pink-haired boy's side.

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**I hope you liked Chapt.1-Me myself like Chapt.2.(Because of the blood-heeh) **

**Oh Chels, I think you are developing a new fetish!**

**I am not. I was kidding. I like it for the tear jerking-ness.(or my version of it-I tried.)**

**Please tell me what you think(your comments matter!) so I can either continue a good story, or drop a bad one.**


	2. Shock and Mourning

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Gravitation or anythin' that goes with it- although sometimes I wish I did. But,as far as I know, I own the suicide knife.

**Author's note:**I got this idea from reading a poem off this here webpage(actually,I had this planned a long time ago-the poem gave me _motivation_.Yeah.Thats it.) So thanks to whomever did that. It was a great poem!

Oh! and one more thing-the title is inspired by an Erasure song! It's a line from their Spiralling song. Yes,thats my secret. I listen to Erasure while I write. When you're gone,though I try,how could I carry on!(Get it?)Oh yeah,for those of you who GET it, I will be putting a different song line ther every chapter! **Watch for it!**(Does anyone actually read this?I do...)

**Pairings:**I (at least I try) don't do them! So if its dirty boy lovin' you want, go read a YAOI story with a high-ass rating!

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**You Give Me the Courage to Die-Chapt.2**

"Sh-Shuichi?" A soft whisper. _No. No. No and no and no._ Yuki couldn't believe it. He sat still in his position for at least five minutes. He felt he did not want to know what happened. But his mind still asked questions. _Who did this?_

Yuki's blood ran a little hotter now. He shifted over and rolled Shuichi onto his back. He could see the blood at the corner of the young man's mouth. And then he saw it just about everywhere else. _Tell me…tell me…it's…no._ One blow after another, Yuki felt his soul deteriorating. That was when he saw the trail of blood leading from the couch.

Yuki recalled the events from the recent past, now that he was fully awake. He had been sending Shuichi out to sleep on the couch lately. Their small quarrels had been getting larger, and the young man's crying had gotten worse. Contrary to popular belief, Yuki hated it when Shuichi was sad. Even though the pink-haired boy didn't see it, Yuki sent him out because he knew the walls of his seemingly cold soul would crumble. In summary, no matter how bad Shuichi was, or how mean the novelist was, Eiri Yuki still loved him more than anything.

Eiri brought himself to a fairly stable state, and started to investigate the room. As much as he didn't want to believe it, Yuki found that all the wounds were definitely self-inflicted. _Why would you do this you fucking idiot, I need you!_ Eiri surprised even himself. Eiri rummaged around the mess a little more, and found a good-sized knife in the palm of Shuichi's bloody right hand. The kid had slit his wrists, and he had done a bang-up job too. Since the whole suicide had only been a few hours old, the blood was sticky. The knife was hard to remove from the small hand.

Yuki did not bring the knife to a sink to wash it. He didn't have to. He knew where it was from. His own damned kitchen. He threw the knife aside, shut his eyes, and swung his head in the other direction all at the same time. He didn't want to see the tool that had been used to take Shuichi's life away. Away from him.

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**Please review-comments matter. I need to know if you think this story is goog or real bad. So I can keep it or drop it.**

**So,I hope you liked this chapter. Blood! Lots and LOTS of it. Can you picture it? Slit wrists, Cuts all over,blood from the corners of Shu-chan's mouth,maybe even his throat.(I don't know about that last one.) Even Yuki's got a SERIOUS nosebleed.**

**Told yooou! You DO have an extremely weird(not to mention dangerous) fetish!**

**Blood is gross,dumbass. Howeveer,I dooo have this strange little obsession with swords,knives,anything with a handle that can be used as a sword...**

**And they make blood. Point proved.**

**This babble between me and myself isn't actually entertaining you,is it? **

**That's what I thought.**

**Shut up. **

**Have a nice day/afternoon/evening/night/sleep/day/whatever people!**


	3. A Plan?

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Gravitation or anythin' that goes with it- although sometimes I wish I did. But,as far as I know, I own the suicide knife.

**Author's note:**I got this idea from reading a poem off this here webpage(actually,I had this planned a long time ago-the poem gave me _motivation_.Yeah.Thats it.) So thanks to whomever did that. It was a great poem!

Oh! and one more thing-the title is inspired by an Erasure song! It's a line from their Spiralling song. Yes,thats my secret. I listen to Erasure while I write. I'll be comin' back for mooooooooore!(Get it?)

**Pairings:**I (at least I try) don't do them! So if its dirty boy lovin' you want, go read a YAOI story with a high-ass rating!

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**You Give Me the Courage to Die-Chapter 3**

Yuki needed a few minutes to think, but he was stuck in a rut. He wanted to leave his living room, wanted to leave the lover's suicide scene. But he didn't want to leave Shuichi, didn't want to leave the man who saved him. So the novelist sat there, putting Shuichi in his lap. He had cut and stabbed himself in almost every obvious spot he could find. _A slice to the throat. Both wrists slit. A huge deep gash from the navel up to the chest. Somehow he even made himself cough up blood. Still the idiot._ Yuki thought all these things. _He couldn't even kill…_Yuki felt a lump form in his throat_. He couldn't even kill himself painlessly. Or at least quickly._

Eiri felt a twinge of guilt. It started small, but had gotten bigger with every beat of his heart. His head was pounding. His mind seemed to scream at him. _Murder!_ it cried. _I'm so sorry Shuichi. I didn't mean any of what I said in a literal way._ Thoughts of him telling the pink-haired boy to go and die rushed past.

Pictures trickled into his mind. He saw another man, Laying in a similar position on a cold, gray floor. He saw a small blonde boy with a gun in his hand. There were many tears. _No. I can't think of Kitazwa now. He is gone now, and the events that occurred that day are history. Even the thoughts should no longer be part of my life. This man here…his name is Shuichi. Shuichi Shindou. And he is mine._ Tears stung at the twenty-two year old's eyes. _Or… at least he was._

Yuki was at a loss for options. He felt so hopeless. He leaned over to kiss the lifeless body's lips. He felt the warm red liquid transfer onto his face, but Yuki didn't car. Memories of their days together ran rampant. He found that there weren't many times he had smiled, or said something nice. _I blew it all away. I'm so, so sorry Shu-chan._

Eiri hadn't gathered up much for ideas over the past fifteen minutes. He was too devastated. He had no plan, and nowhere to go. He wondered if it was really he who had died, and this was hell. But he felt the throbbing in his head, and that was satisfactory. He was here in Tokyo, alive.

Yuki had to go somewhere, anywhere. All of the scarlet around him was driving him insane. He couldn't leave Shuichi though. Yuki paused for a moment and thought.

_I will take him with._


	4. Is there hope in the rain?

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Gravitation or anythin' that goes with it- although sometimes I wish I did. But,as far as I know, I own the suicide knife.

**Author's note:**I got this idea from reading a poem off this here webpage(actually,I had this planned a long time ago-the poem gave me _motivation_.Yeah.Thats it.) So thanks to whomever did that. It was a great poem!

Oh! and one more thing-the title is inspired by an Erasure song! It's a line from their Spiralling song. Yes,thats my secret. I listen to Erasure while I write. If I cooould (make the world a little better) you know I wooold...(Get it?)

**Pairings:**I (at least I try) don't do them! So if its dirty boy lovin' you want, go read a YAOI story with a high-ass rating!

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**You Give Me the Courage to Die-Chapter 4**

Yuki ran to his bedroom and changed into a dress shirt and jeans. He then threw one of his long heavy coats on and ran back into the living room. He thought about hefting Shuichi over his shoulder, but thought it inappropriate. Eiri wrapped the boy in a dark blue blanket and picked him up in his arms. It was and awkward position, he was banging into Shuichi with every step. But this felt right. Though stupid looking, Yuki found he owed it to the dead man. It was the kind of thing he would have wanted.

The rain was pounding on the road. It was dark outside, and the clouds made it extremely difficult for the sun to shine. Eiri's coat was quickly drenched and heavy with water, but nothing could stop him now. Depending on where he was, he walked or ran. The streets seemed deserted. Yuki couldn't decide whether it was the weather or his shock that kept people from his sight. No fans surrounded him or asked for an autograph. It seemed he wasn't crazy after all.

The novelist couldn't decide where to go, but he found himself running towards the hospital. _Not a very good place for a dead man_ he thought. But there was a strange thread of hope coursing through Yuki's subconscious.

Yuki ran through the rain for what seemed an eternity. The hospital was twenty blocks away, but he kept running. He burst through the doors, almost literally shattering them. Eiri could tell he had scared the hell out of the staff, because they were staring at him as if he were the devil himself.

"Get me a fucking doctor NOW!"

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**First off, I'm sorry this Chapter is so short. Its just so late here...**

**I got some comments saying that this story is good (I-am-so-HAPPY!) so watch for new chapters! All I have to do is fiure out HOW IN THE HELL to end this thing! ;)**

**Hey Chels,I know you're seeecreeets! You still have a blood fetish running through your he-ed!**

**Shut up me. I do no-ah-ot.**

**PS:I changed my profile,so check that out.**

**Please review, as it is the gateway to further stories and chapters! The power of the people.**

**I added a new chapter to my Gravific story. Or if you read this within the next ten minutes of my writing this, there WILL be one.**

**Kanpai!**

**-Cherushii**


	5. Diagnoses

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Gravitation or anythin' that goes with it- although sometimes I wish I did.

**Author's note:**I got this idea from reading a poem off this here webpage(actually,I had this planned a long time ago-the poem gave me _motivation_.Yeah.Thats it.) So thanks to whomever did that. It was a great poem!

Oh! and one more thing-the title is inspired by an Erasure song! It's a line from their Spiralling song. Yes,thats my secret. I listen to Erasure while I write. Gone, and blown it all...(Get it?)

**Pairings:**I (at least I try) don't do them! So if its dirty boy lovin' you want, go read a YAOI story with a high-ass rating! ;)

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**You Give Me the Courage to Die-Chapter 5-Diagnoses**

Eiri had made it to the hospital, unsure of what to do next. He had called quite loudly for a doctor, but everyone in room just stared at him fearfully.

"I said now." Eiri said loudly but calmly.

"Yes sir right away!" A nurse behind the front desk picked up a phone and dialed a number. It rang for awhile, but as soon as she heard a doctor's 'hello?', she started yelling at him.

"Please Okawa-san, calm down. What is the problem?"

"A blonde man covered in water and blood holding a body just flew through the doors! And he yelled at us to bring him a doctor, so…"

"Alright. Send him to the emergency ward, and give him room 203. I'll be down there right away."

"Yes Watanabe-san. Goodbye." The nurse hung up the phone. "Follow me, um, your name?"

"Uesugi. Eiri Uesugi."

"Is that Eiri as in Eiri Yuki!" the nurse wondered if this man was the infamous novelist. " I love your books."

Yuki restrained his urge to slap her. "Yes, but I don't think this is a good time for autographs, is it?" he said in a rather angry voice.

"Y-Yes sir."

"Now weren't we going somewhere? I AM covered in blood aren't I" Despite the situation at hand, Eiri was extremely calm. But he was still angry.

"Yes, follow me." The nurse led Yuki to the emergency ward at a brisk pace. Here we are. Just lay…it on the bed over there."

"His name is Shuichi Shindou" the novelist said this as he laid Shuichi on the bed gently.

"What? Shu…ichi Shindou? Isn't he that singer" It only took a moment for the nurse to figure it out. "So its true…you guys are lovers."

"Look lady right now really isn't the time." The nurse stared blankly. "And I MEAN it lady." It had the desired impact.

At that moment, the doctor walked in. "Oh my, he IS covered in blood, isn't he?" The doctor walked over towards the table. "What happened?"

Yuki spoke" I think…I think he committed suicide."

"Oh." The doctor leaned over and took the boys pulse. "Why would you bring him here if he's dead?"

"I just…can't explain it. I felt some kind of hope out there in the rain. It was like there was a light through the darkness. All I had to do was find it." Yuki said_. I never talk like this he thought_. _Only in novels._ The doctor's voice broke him out of his concentration.

"Uesugi-san, this man isn't dead."

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**I hope you are enjoying the story...Thank you Quack says the Duck (sorry if that's not right) for ever'thing!**

**Thank you to all who reviewed. Your the reason i go on!**

**I read chapter 3(I mean I really READ it) and realized:Oh ma God. Thisis creepy.**

**But all in all, I really hope you enjoy.**

**Kanpai,**

**Cherushii**


	6. A Slight Chance

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Gravitation or anythin' that goes with it- although sometimes I wish I did.

**Author's note:**I got this idea from reading a poem off this here webpage(actually,I had this planned a long time ago-the poem gave me _motivation_.Yeah.Thats it.) So thanks to whomever did that. It was a great poem!

Oh! and one more thing-the title is inspired by an Erasure song! It's a line from their Spiralling song. Yes,thats my secret. I listen to Erasure while I write. it doesn't have to be like tha-at...(Get it?)

**Pairings:**Since this is pretty much all a tragedy story, I don't think there will be any. Also I'm flaky towards that sort of thing. So-sorry!**

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**You Give Me the Courage to Die-Chapter 6-A Slight Chance**

The words echoed through Yuki's head. _Uesugi san, this man isn't dead. This is too good to be true_ he said to himself. _Wouldn't I have known…?_

"I know what you're thinking Uesugi-san. I've seen this happen a lot. Let me start by asking you a question."

"What?" Yuki was curious, as well happy. Instead of blood, his face was covered with tears.

"Did you go to medical school?"

"N-no." Eiri was taken aback at this question.

"Do you know how to perform heart surgery?"

"No."

"Any surgeries at all?"

"No, but I…I can fix cuts and scratches…"

"Doctoring a cut isn't good enough. Your problem is that you think you should've known if he was alive, right?"

Yuki looked away, embarrassed. "Yes."

"You're damned lucky you brought him here in time. Another hour and he would've bled to death."

"So…so he really is alive? But he's not breathing!"

"Oh he's breathing all right, just very faintly. It's normal not to notice though."

"Oh…" Eiri ran over to the table and hugged Shuichi tight. "I'm so glad…you're okay…" Yuki paused and looked at the nurse, then at the doctor. "He is going to be okay, isn't he?"

The doctor turned from his gaze. "There is a very slight chance that he may live."

"And how do we ensure that this 'slight chance' can become a reality?" Yuki asked the doctor.

"Well, first off, he's going to need some blood transfusions."

"Well get to it then! If I have to become poor and hungry for this kid to live, I WILL!" Yuki turned to Shuichi's colorless face and whispered. " I'm serious. I'll do anything to bring you back."

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**I would like to thank (again) everyone who made reviews! I will keep going until this story is over!(I don't know when that may happen.) Thank you for giving me something to go on.Please keep reading, new chapter usually come quite quickly...**

**So I went with the hope line. I let him live. Since most of the reviewers said let him live...I think it was nice, although I seriously was going to let him die!**

**Again, thankyouthank you thank you!**


	7. The Note

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Gravitation or anythin' that goes with it- although sometimes I wish I did.

**Author's note:**I got this idea from reading a poem off this here webpage(actually,I had this planned a long time ago-the poem gave me _motivation_.Yeah.Thats it.) So thanks to whomever did that. It was a great poem!

Oh! and one more thing-the title is inspired by an Erasure song! It's a line from their Spiralling song. Yes,thats my secret. I listen to Erasure while I write...oooh,sometimes...(Get it?)

**Pairings:**Since this is pretty much all a tragedy story, I don't think there will be any. Also I'm flaky towards that sort of thing. So-sorry!If you consider sort of a love connection a pairing, then it's Yuki X Shuichi.

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**You Give Me the Courage to Die-Chapter 7-The Note**

As Yuki drew back from his and Shuichi's embrace, he felt a crinkle in the young man's pocket."What…?" Yuki whispered to himself. He stuck his hand in the pocket to retrieve whatever was the cause. He pulled out an eight-point five by eleven-inch piece of paper. It wasn't folded neatly; it had been hurriedly squashed up. Eiri unfolded it, guessing at what it was. _A suicide note._

"What do you have there, Uesugi-san?" the doctor asked.

Yuki ignored the annoying physician. He read the note silently to himself._ Yuki, I love you more than anything else in the world. Never make a mistake about that. But our love was dying in a way. You know that, don't you. I'm sorry I cried so much. It's just…I was afraid of what you'd think. For the past two weeks, I've been waiting to ask you a question. The biggest question I could ever ask. I wanted to ask you to marry me._

Where the letter stated the question of marriage, the writing seemed more untidy. Yuki noted this, and kept on reading. _As I write this, I remember the day we met. And all of the days after that. I want you to know that no matter what you said, my love never faltered. Not for a second. I want you to understand that to end a hurtful relationship, one must die. It's the only way…Oh my Yuki…this was not to hurt you. Sometimes, the truth is harder than the pain inside. Sometimes, It's the broken heart that decides. Love me forever, Your Shuichi Shindou._

While Yuki read the last few words, he saw a tear drip onto the page. He was crying harder than he ever remembered. Even more than when the incident with Kitazawa happened.

He grabbed a chair and placed it beside Shuichi's bed. He leaned over the young man in a half embrace and whispered to him. "I'll marry you Shuichi. If we can't do it here, we'll go somewhere else. But It'll only happen if you live."

The doctor asked the same question again, only sounding a little more aggravated.

"It was the suicide note…I'm sorry doctor-san, but I don't think anyone except me has rights to read this. With all respects."

"I understand Uesugi-san…"

"Thank you doctor-san."

"I have to go get some blood and the equipment. Hurry nurse! Come with me!" the doctor flung back into action.

"Yes sir Watanabe-san!" the nurse chased him out of the door.

The two hospital staff left Yuki to cry over Shuichi.

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**First off, If you haven't figured it out, I know nothing about hospitals or equipment. Let alone Japanese hospitals. So please bear with it...**

**Thank you to EVERYONE who reviewed, keep em' comin'!**

**I need to know if Shuichi should live or die...Everyone said live,so...I'm letting him live for now...But I could still...cut him off...tears**

**I shopuld REALLY be doing my homework right now.**

**Kanpai,**

**Cherushii**


	8. Falling Asleep

**_READ AUTHOR'S NOTE CAREFULLY!_

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**Disclaimer:**Let me double check...Nah, I still don't own any part of it! (Except for the fun of writing fan-fiction and getting kick-ass reviews...snigger...)

**Author's note:**Sorry if you don't know what an ultravenus is. I tried really hard how to figure out how to spell it, but nothing...You do know what I mean, right? One of those liquid drip feeder thingers...(my lack of knowledge about hospitals is SO EMBARASSING!So please forgive meee...)

The motivation for me writing this story comes from Quack goes the duck's (I think that's how it goes...) poem called **Together**. Check it out-its cool.

And I'm sorry if this story is getting dry. I don't know where to go with it every time Is it down to write, so...And sorry if the story is slower for updates. Keep watching for new chapters!School is back.(The weekend is oooveeer...)

**Pairings:**Since this is pretty much all a tragedy story, I don't think there will be any. Also I'm flaky towards that sort of thing. So-sorry!If you consider sort of a love connection a pairing, then it's Yuki X Shuichi.

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**You Give Me the Courage to Die-Chapter 8- Falling…Asleep**

Yuki thought he heard a murmur come from Shuichi's mouth. He felt the boy's chest heave harder than it had been the past two hours. The doctor suddenly flew into the room with a bag of blood hooked up to some kind of machine he didn't recognize.

"Doctor! I think he's starting to breathe!"

"Really? Alright, lets get this transfusion happening!" The doctor hooked Shuichi up to the machine. Yuki cringed and looked away. _This didn't have to happen._

Yuki didn't watch as the doctor gave Shuichi some sort of "new life". He didn't want to watch Shuichi lay there almost lifeless. After reading the note his lover had left, he just couldn't let go. If Shuichi actually died this time, he knew that that would be it. He would end it. _My own life…_

"Hey! Uesugi-san! You were right-he is breathing…and we have done the blood transfusion…but all we can do now is wait."

"How long?" Yuki was talking lowly and stretching his words.

" I don't know." The doctor said it blankly, no hint of emotion in his voice.

"Can we be alone for now?" Yuki asked slowly.

"I'm sure that will be…okay…just let me hook him up to an ultravenus. Nurse!"

"Please go fetch an ultravenus please!"

"Yes sir. I'll be back in no time!" The nurse walked quickly through the doors.

"She'll be back here soon."

Yuki sighed. He leaned over Shuichi. _Will you ever come back? _Yuki hugged Shuichi again. "I'm gonna kill myself for you if you die." Yuki whispered, because he sure as hell didn't want the doctor to know he was swearing suicide. The blonde haired man was at a loss for words, so he just lay with his arms over Shuichi, eyes closed.

Fatigue finally caught up with Eiri, probably from running twenty blocks in the rain. He found himself fast asleep, dreaming of a wedding scene.

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**Thank you to everyone who reviewed, once again. You guys totally rock!**

**Looks like Shuichi will live...Everyone okay with that? (It just seems like such...a soap-opera-ish thing to do...bringing him back to life just like that...I'm a realistic person...but whatever pleases you!**)

**It seems SO weird to have people way older than me read my story and say:'That was totaly AWESOME!Keep going!' I like it though.**

**Sorry, no lemon. I'm...13 after all. (I think I know what lemon is...Yes I do.) I'm not the most innocent child out there though! (I've been ruined like every other person out there.)Oh, jeeze... Imean that in the BEST wat possible...PLEASE don't take offense!**

**I am soo embarassed-I don't know anything about hospitals! (it makes the story sound stupid, doesn't it...)**

**-Cherushii**


	9. Life

**Disclaimer:**Let me double check...Nah, I still don't own any part of it! (Except for the fun of writing fan-fiction and getting kick-ass reviews...snigger...)

**Author's note:** Okay. I know now that an "ultravenus" is an intravenus. **Thank you to** **Ashcat for the hospital information!** I feel extra stupid now. But that's not a bad thing-I now know stuff! But (I'm sorry) I am, at the risk of still sounding dumb, writing the hospital stuff as I am. Maybe someday in the future I will rewrite this story, but I'm too lazy right now.

If you want to see the wonderful piece of work from which I elicited my motivation for this story from, **make sure you check out QuackSays the Duck's _Together_ poem!**

I know this chapter is short, but its meant to be. By the way, like the rest of the story has kind of been from Eiri' perspective, this one is going to sort of be from Shuichi's! (I will put this info at the top of the chapters if you get confused)Live, Dammit!

**I keep forgetting to say this, but...I don't like that note I wrote on Shuichi's behalf...It was so, I don't know! Weird! I feel embarrased. (Sits in corner.)**

**Pairings:**Since this is pretty much all a tragedy story, I don't think there will be any. Also I'm flaky towards that sort of thing. So-sorry!If you consider sort of a love connection a pairing, then it's Yuki X Shuichi.

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**You Give Me the Courage to Die - Chapter 9 - Life**

Shuichi suddenly awoke. He felt like he had slept forever, and that he was the only person left alive. Everything was black; he felt like the world had been destroyed.

Things were coming back _very _slowly to the young man. He realized the reason for his black universe was the lack of strength he had to open his eyes. He found that he could not move any part of his body. He felt a little jab of pain, and passed out again.

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**By the way, all of this is going on during the transfusion thing part.**

**I should be updating at a chapter per day rate...but if need be!**

**Thank You's(for chapt.8):**

**Aacire: Haha, I don't think I'm going to take the road of Shuichi dying again, but you just never know...I'd like to see that...(heh heh...) I feel so weird bringing a wedding in. I wonder if I should've done thaaat...**

**Mustang123:Thanks! (Blushes, holding back...bounces off walls!) Its sooo cool being told that my story is awesome!**

**Flame-Chan:Ah, thanks. It's cool being told by others your age you story is cool too...**

**Ashcat:Thank you so much for that info...I'm educated now...thank you also for the support on lemon! You are so right! There are enough out there for people to read! **

**Quack Says the Duck:This is weird...you are starting to feel like an old friend...Not that that's bad. Thanks for saying my story doesn't suck. It just feels that way...You know, you get this burst of inspiration and then...Its sorta hard!**

**Hikari-Chan:Cute?...Thank you for saying its cool!**

**Xunxin:Yes Shu-chan LIVES! (I never thought I'd be happy, I never really liked him...but after re-reading the manga lots, you just sort of start to appreciate him SO much more!) Oh,and by the way, that cake was DELICIOUS.**

**GravityNeko: A die-hard kinda fan!(Cooooool.) Well, here's the answer: No. I don't think Yuki would actually say that. Ever. :s**

**You know whaaat? The thank-you's are longer than the chapter! (I don't think I should dooo that again...)**

**-Cherushii**


	10. Tomorrow

**Disclaimer:**Can I have it? Pleasepleasepleasepleeeease! (Every time I ask this, I **STILL** don't own Gravitation. Hmmf!)

**Author's note:** I'm sorry about yesterday. I know I forgot to make anew chapter! I was really busy because I had to babysit some kids at my school. (This has been happening every wednsday). Please don't think I gave up when this happens! I'm either busy or too lazy. I felt really bad about ti though. Sorry! (It seems like all I do is apologize). Huh. Go figure.

If you want to see the wonderful piece of work from which I elicited my motivation for this story from, make sure you check out QuackSays the Duck's _Together_ poem!

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**Pairings:**Since this is pretty much all a tragedy story, I don't think there will be any. Also I'm flaky towards that sort of thing. So-sorry!If you consider sort of a love connection a pairing, then it's Yuki X Shuichi.**

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**You Give Me the Courage to Die-Chapter 10- Tomorrow**

Yuki groggily awoke to someone grabbing his shoulder.

"Sir? You're going to have to leave now, sir. I'm sorry."

"Whaaa…" he said as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes. He looked up to see a nurse. It was not the same one from before; this one was a little rounder and a bit cheerier looking. Yuki recalled why he what he was doing in the hospital room. "What time is it?"

"It's about seven sir. I'm sorry for any inconvenience, but it is this hospital's policy. You're lucky they even let you sleep this late." The nurse made it sound like a good thing to have him leave.

"But I can't leave him! What if he wakes up if I'm gone?" Yuki was immensely worried for the moment.

"If that happens, I'll have someone phone you and you may be able to come down."

Yuki sighed heavily. "Thanks lady." He picked up his bloody jacket and started putting it on. He quickly realized the stains, and threw it to the floor. He turned and left the room, leaving the nurse looking quite offended.

When Yuki walked past the front desk, nobody spoke. There was the same nurse as before sitting there, but there was no 'Have a good night sir!' or 'We'll see you again, Uesugi-san!'. He walked through the big glass doors, shoving them harder than he probably should have.

The sky had cleared up a little, and the road was wet. He saw a few people on the way home, but not many. The sun was setting, and cast an orange glow onto the clouds. There was no breeze, yet the air was cool. Eiri stared up at the clouds for awhile and then down at the sidewalk. He stopped for a moment and sighed. He reached into an imaginary pocket to grab his smokes. He growled when he realized that they were in his coat. He kept walking on homewards. Despite the bitterness of his mood, he was enjoying the cool air and the calm sunset.

When Eiri got home he threw himself onto his bed. He had closed his eyes as he passed through the living room. After his walk home had cheered him up, he didn't want to ruin it by having all the bad memories come back. He had been working late into the night on his latest novel the past few weeks. He was extremely tired, when he actually thought about it. He changed his clothes and went to sleep, wondering if Shuichi would get a strong grip on life.

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**Hope you enjoyed this one!**

**(Did I ever tell you Smashing Blue makes me cry?)**


	11. Boy

**Disclaimer:**Sucky. I still don't own any of Maki Murakami's hella funny masterpiece...

**Author's Note:**This idea of Shuichi being tricked just hit me when I sat down to write. I'm actually quite pleased with this chapter.

**I hope to god you didn't give up on me. I'm sorry I havent updated for forever. Screw the chapter a day promise. Just PLEASE don't give up! (on knees begging...)**

**Of no interest:**I just got into Depeche Mode like, four days ago. Pathetic, isn't it. I've pretty much just been listening to _Some Great Reward_, because its the only C.D. my dad has. oo.

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**You Give Me the Courage to Die-Chapter 11-Boy**

Shuichi awoke again. It took him awhile again to gather any memory again. He slowly and painfully sat up, hand on his forehead. He didn't know where he was, or why. At the moment he couldn't even remember his name. He still had his eyes closed, and saw only black. He heard a string of broken words going through his mind over and over again. They were said by a deep voice he didn't recognize. He could tell that they were laced with sorrow. _Shuichi…why…I can't…_

He opened his eyes and surveyed the room slowly. _A hospital? What… _He turned his head to find a tall boy sitting in the chair beside his bed. The boy's hair and eyes were black, and his sleeveless top was strewn carelessly around him. He had a devilish grin on his face.

"Shuichi…welcome back from the dead." The boy said slowly. It sounded almost like the one that had uttered the words in his head.

"What…who…are you?" Shuichi said groggily. He wiped away the sleep in his eyes. He saw some very alarming sights, and the great pain in his body made itself clear once again. His eyes grew wide as he looked from one wrist to the next. His arms were dark scarlet all the way from his fingers to his elbows. It cracked and fell on to the sheets, while some of it remained sticky. He looked over to the boy again, only to find that his grin had grown wider. _Why are you smiling?_

"You don't remember me?" the boy said. Shuichi swore he could hear a sort of laugh in his voice.

"No…"

To Shuichi's surprise the boy leaned over and kissed him. Not lightly, but quite hard. The boy reached over and hugged him, still leaning into the kiss.

"Oww!" Shuichi cried as the boy seized him.

The boy drew back into the chair. "Sorry…" He looked towards the wall and pulled his hand through his hair. "I can't believe you don't remember me."

"Why should I have?" Shuichi drew himself up a little straighter. "Were you my brother? 'Cause you sure don't look like it. My friend? Sports partner? What…"

"Your lover." The black-haired boy said.

Shuichi stared blankly into the deep eyes.

"Tatsuha Uesugi. You are Shuichi Shindou. We were together."

Shuichi swore he could feel his heart move. He felt he recognized the boy in some way. "What happened to me?"

Tatsuha looked away and said quietly, "I don't want to talk about that. All that matters is that you are here on earth, and that you are alive."

Shuichi didn't understand, but he tried his best. He felt sorry for the boy. "Come here…" he said quietly. Tatsuha leaned closer to Shuichi. The nineteen-year-old took Tatsuha completely off guard by leaning into another passionate kiss.

Although this surprised Tatsuha very much, he figured out what was going on immediately. He kissed back. He managed to find a moment of air, and said to Shuichi, "I love you…". Shuichi said the same thing back to him and pulled the black-haired boy's face against his once again.

_But why were you smiling… _Shuichi couldn't focus long enough to remember to ask Tatsuha this question.

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**Thanks to all who reviewed! I hope you like my story! And this thing with Tats is awesome! I was originally going to make it Ryuichi, but he was SO unstable...and besides, having Tats do it is going to make it sooo fun! Hurrah! Go Tats! Eiri is NEVER going to put up with thisss...**

**Oh,and I just thought I should spread the word if you didn't know. Gravi isn't over at Vol.12! There are new tracks being distributed by online comic Genzo for 200-something Yen. But here's the good part: its free if you got to: gallery. Here's the EVEN BETTER part! MOST OF IT'S IN ENGLISH!**


	12. One Night pt1

**WARNING:**There is a Gravi Spoiler (and I'm talking about the new stuff so) and i tried to be careful here...**SO MAKE SURE YOU SCROLL DOWN SLOWLY IF YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW**

**Disclaimer:**I just...can't own it...and I hope the new Gravi comes here sooon...

**Author's Note:**Now I see that nobody really like the idea of a Shuichi and Tatsuha pairing. But that's the twist I made, and I'm actuqally quite happy with it. I estimate the story to be about 70percent done, but you just never know.

**A weird thing about the new Gravi:A weird thing about the new Gravi:A weird thing about the new Gravi:A weird thing about the new Gravi:A weird thing about the new Gravi:SPOILER WARNING:DO NOT SCROLL DOWN IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO KNOW **

There is a Shuichi and Ryuichi kiss-not a little one either... I won't say another word!

**SPOILER END**

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**You Give Me the Courage to Die-Chapter 12-One Night (pt.1)**

The last forty-eight hours had been one huge fucked up mess for Tatsuha Uesugi. It was a long story of how he ended up in the hospital making out with Shuichi Shindou.

He was sneaking into his brother's house to grab a couple of things out of the fridge. The young priest was in Tokyo because his father had sent him there to learn more advanced Buddhist techniques. He had argued and asked why his father couldn't just teach him, but the old man insisted that he had to learn on his own.

He was starving, and the closest, cheapest place with an access to free beer- was Eiri's. He was swinging his leg over the edge of the window when he had seen something that almost made him fall.

There was Shuichi sitting on the living room couch. A lamp glowed softly from an end table, and Tatsuha saw the light glint off of the knife. He walked quietly through the kitchen to get a better view. He was unsure of what to do, and the sadomasochist had to admit; he was sort of turned on.

Shuichi uttered a couple of words, but Tatsuha couldn't make them out. The nineteen-year-old pressed the knife on his wrist, and slit it horizontally.

_Idiot_ thought Tatsuha. _That's not the way you're supposed to do it._

It surprised the young monk that Shuichi didn't scream or give up halfway through the cut. All the pink-haired boy did was make a small whimpering sound and cried more tears. Tatsuha felt an actual pang of sympathy deep inside, but kept watching intently. The violent show went on. Shuichi quickly slashed the other wrist. This time there was an actual cry of pain, but Shuichi flung his hand at his mouth so fast, Tatsuha thought his head would fall off.

The sixteen-year-old swore it was another fifteen minutes before Shuichi's next move commenced. It was a strange one, and Tatsuha had never heard of someone trying to kill himself doing it. Shuichi took the knife, and poked it hard into his navel. At that time, Tatsuha decided to advance on Shuichi. He walked slowly into the living room, trying extremely hard not to make himself noticed. At the angle he was in, the moonlight shone onto Shuichi's face.

**To Be Continued

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Hi its me-I'm not lying about the new Gravi or anything, but sorry if you accidentally read that spoiler! It was just too juicy. nodding slowly

Sooo...the thing I asked God to forbid. I think there may be a little lemon in the next chapter. crying I'm...scared...I don't wanna do this! bawling

Oooh yes... It doesn't say in my bio or anything. but I have a Gravitation RPG set up. I gave up on it, so me and my friend have been using it as sort of a private chat place. But since I am the administartor, all that can be deleted if people join. I can only describe it as an interactive fan fiction...

here's the address:

http/gravitationfans. just so hard to get publicity, so if you like, tell your buddies...


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